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Dealing with Those Who Want 
to Choose the Officiant for You:

Occasionally we get a call literally demanding some specific behavior on our part as wedding officiants.   This usually comes from one of the parents, most often from the mother of the bride.   The most common demand is that we attend the wedding rehearsal.  

Parental concern, although unnecessary is understandable.   Because wedding protocol and procedures have changed drastically in the past twenty years, your wedding is not being handled as theirs was.   This, in itself, is sometimes enough to cause anxiety in the older generation.  

Because they really do have your best interests in mind, please be loving and patient with them.   Gently remind them that this is your wedding and not theirs.   Also remind them that you have a team of highly skilled professionals working with you to make you wedding a successful and a joyous event.

On rare occasion a parent will be very insistent about how things are done and will leave you little or no room for you to be who you are.   This is particularly prevalent when a parent (or parents) are assisting the couple by paying part (or all)  of the wedding expenses.  

We cannot resolve this dilemma for you, however we can be an advisor to you.  We can assist you in seeing your options more clearly.   If an untenable situation arises, such as an overbearing parent, we offer three suggestions:

1)    Share with them the section below on this  page called “A Loving Note to Parents”

2)   Invite whomever is pressuring you to call some of the professional wedding service providers  on our reference list..  That should quell their fears about our capacity to create and officiate  a meaningful and memorable, heart-felt, wedding ceremony with professionalism, warmth, and dignity, and to present that ceremony to the couple and their family and friends with the skill of a seasoned professional.

3)    Take advantage of our Wedding Advisory Services  to talk about a resolution to this dilemma.   Please call us. if we can be of service.  

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And the bottom line:  

Please remember, it is your wedding and you can handle it any way you choose.

Roots & Wings

"Our children are gifts entrusted to us not as objects to be controlled,  but as fellow human beings,  each unique in their own personality,  each separate in their own identity."   

Your job as a parent is to give them roots from which to grow and wings with which to fly into their own separate lives.    We invite you to hear the following words paraphrased and slightly altered from the book titled The Prophet   by Kahil Gibran:  

"As you love your children, remember this:  Make your love a joyous, freedom-loving adventure.   Let your love be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.    Sing, dance, and be joyous with your children,  and yet,  let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

You may give children your love, but not your thoughts, for they have thoughts of their own.   You may house their bodies, but not their souls, for they dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.    You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.   For life goes forward and tarries not with yesterday.  You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

Remember, if you choose to fill your children’s cup, allow them to drink from it at their own choosing.   If you choose to share with them your bread, allow, them to season it to their own taste.

Give your hearts to them while providing space for them to be free, for there is much in life to be loved.   Let your children’s hearts be free to answer the call of life.  

Stand by them, yet not too near,  for in the garden of life, the oak tree and the cypress each need air to breathe and a little earth to call their own, where the sun can reach down and touch them bringing forth the hidden beauty that lies within each one."