A Wedding Ceremony Designed for you

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Page Content

  Ministers at Rehearsals

  The Ceremony Itself Is Never Rehearsed

  Wedding-Site Coordinator

  The Location for Your Rehearsal

  The Purpose of a Rehearsal

  Arranging  the Wedding Setting

  Creating a Sacred Space

  A Rehearsal Described in Great Detail

  Our On-Site Coordination Services

  Dealing with an Overbearing Relative

  A Loving Note to Parents

  The bottom line

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All brides and grooms are welcome to use this rehearsal information for their own, personal and private use.

Whether or not we are officiating your wedding does not matter.   Regardless of who is officiating your wedding or what part of the world you are in, or when your wedding is,  if you find anything confusing on this page, call us and we will:  1)  explain it to you in detail, and 2)  to the best of our ability, we will update the rehearsal page to eliminate future confusion.    

Call 818/727-0727  between  10:00 am and 7:00 pm, Pacific time  (U.S. time zone).   Please ask for "rehearsal assistance."   

Please remember that this document  is copywrited.    It is available to brides and grooms for personal private use only.  

© 1999    Revisions © 2000-2008      Rev. Robert Cote'   --   The Life Center Church   

http//www.wedd101.com '  

If you are still wondering, "What's the purpose of a wedding rehearsal?"   Read on.   You're about to get a detailed answer to your question.   

The Location for Your Rehearsal:

Three reasons for an on-site wedding rehearsal:

1)   If you are having a very large number of attendants (i.e. many bridesmaids and many  groomsmen) an on-site rehearsal could give all of you more confidence in yourselves and more  confidence in the ability of the site coordinator.  

2)   If you are having a very unique and unusual wedding ceremony that requires the participation of numerous people, a rehearsal will familiarize the participants with what you want them to do on your wedding day.

3)   If you want to have a party where people can get  acquainted with members of the opposite spouse’s family and friends. 

 Off-site wedding rehearsal:

For a traditional wedding, an on-site wedding rehearsal is nice, but not necessary.   Even with numerous attendants, the rehearsal can easily be done at your home  --- or at the home of a friend or family member.

If you want to have a party where people can get acquainted with members of the opposite spouse’s family and friends, this can also be done at your home.

The  Purpose  of  a  Rehearsal:

The rehearsal answers four questions:  

1)   How and from where do the bride, the groom  and the rest of the bridal party enter the wedding site and  get up in front of the guests?

2)   In what order do they arrive?

3)   Where do they stand?

4)   In what order do they leave?

Let's look now at the diagram below graphically depicting a traditional wedding site.   Then we'll answer all four questions.

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Arranging the Wedding Setting

The  traditional wedding setting is depicted in both the picture immediately  below and  the diagram lower down on this page.   There are commonly several straight rows of chairs for left and right seating with a central isle.   

Photo Courtesy of Clinton Mackinnon Photography   

http://www.clintonmackinnonphoto.com '  805/815-5679

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Analysis of a Typical Wedding Setting

Using the above photo, let's look at the possibilities for this typical wedding ceremony site.  The first thing that we see in this picture is all the empty chairs.    If I may, for a moment,  step into my role as Theta Healing & Transformation Facilitator, '  this gives a subtle message to the wedding couple (and to all the guests)   ---  "Where is everybody?  They don't care enough about me to show up for my wedding ceremony?"   This message gets reinforced every time the bride and groom look at their wedding photos.

The way to avoid this is to have one person in charge of setting up the chairs.   Initially set up chairs for about two-thirds of the number of expected guests.   Mark the reserved, front-row seats for any special guests such as the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom.    Have the remaining one-third of the chairs folded and stacked nearby.  As guests arrive, they'll fill in the available seats.  When all the available seats are filled, the in-charge-of-chairs person adds another row of chairs behind the back row.   The result is that no matter how many guest show up, you have a "full house" setting.   This also avoids an additional visual-appeal problem.   Guests often choose to sit in the back rows, leaving a number of up-front seats empty during the ceremony.   

The second thing you'll notice when examining this picture is the imbalance between the number of people sitting on the left and right sides of the central isle.   Traditionally the bride's family and guest sit on the left and the groom's family and guests sit on the right.  This is simply tradition.   You can follow this format or not, at your choosing.   

Today, this seating tradition is more commonly ignored than followed.   This is particularly true when either the bride or the groom have significantly more guests than his/her partner.    The way to avoid this imbalanced appearance is to simply invite the guests to sit anywhere they choose.  

Another factor to consider is, "How close to the bride & groom shall we set the front row chairs."   Commonly closer is considered more intimate.   Intimacy triggers emotion, and a wedding ceremony is, among other things,  about creating an emotion-filled experience.   

In the wedding setting pictured above, we recommend that the front row be moved closer by about four feet, and a slight curve be added to the rows as described below.

A less formal setting can be arranged by setting  the chairs in a semi-circle, rather than in straight rows.   Even just a slight curve in the rows makes a significant difference.  The curve makes the setting more feminine-like, more intimate and more emotional.   

You may also completely do away with the central isle.   In some settings, such as on beaches or in parks, you may have no chairs at all,  or just a few chairs for elderly or physically impaired guests.  The guests simply gather around you in a semi-circle.

Commonly, guests gather together and the wedding party comes in.   In some settings, it is quite appropriate and uniquely effective to do just the opposite.   Arrange the wedding party on the wedding site and then have your guest, who have gathered together elsewhere,  come to you.  

If your ceremony and reception are in the same location, guests often are seated around tables during the ceremony.   Your wedding setting may be unique and not fit a traditional format, so let your imagination take over and arrange the area in a way that makes you and your partner feel good.

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Creating a Sacred Space  

We receive frequent calls from couples seeking a wedding chapel because they want to honor, to acknowledge and to have Divinity as a participant in their ceremony.    

Wedding Chapels:   Unfortunately, wedding chapels have two disadvantages.  The high-quality settings are very expensive and the cheap ones are rather tacky.   And most traditional churches do not invite brides and grooms from outside their congregation to use their facility, and fewer still will allow outside officiants into their sacred settings.

An Excellent Alternative:   Father God and Mother Nature have joined forces and created some of the most beautiful chapels in all the world --  Beach settings with waves crashing on the rocks -- Mountain tops overlooking beautiful scenes -- Parks and natural setting beneath large trees -- Perhaps your own back yard or the yard of a friend  -- In your own home or the home of a friend.  

Declaring Your Wedding Setting to be a Sacred Space:  
On the wedding day, regardless of where you are, that setting can simply be declared to be a sacred space for your wedding.   Invoking Divine presence is a matter of intention and faith that God is with you regardless of where you are.   This is done in keeping with ancient religious traditions, in times before there were any churches.   We, as officiants, simply declare the setting to be a divine setting.   This can be done an any style you choose.   Here's a sample invocation:

Ladies and gentlemen, 
please be aware of the words of the Christed One -- 

"When two or more are gathered in my name, I am there also."  

Thus, for the time we are here participating in this ceremony, 
 this _________________  becomes and is our sacred space.  

With regard to the spiritual content of your ceremony, 
you may also want to consider having a 

Theta-Level, 21st-Century Wedding Ceremony

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 Dealing with Overbearing Relatives    Relatives     ...

Dealing with an Overbearing Relative:  

Occasionally we get a call literally demanding some specific behavior on our part as wedding officiants.   This usually comes from one of the parents, most often from the mother of the bride.   The most common demand is that we attend the wedding rehearsal.  

Parental concern, although unnecessary is understandable.   Because wedding protocol and procedures have changed drastically in the past twenty years, your wedding is not being handled as theirs was.   This, in itself, is sometimes enough to cause anxiety in the older generation.  

Because they really do have your best interests in mind, please be loving and patient with them.   Gently remind them that this is your wedding and not theirs.   Also remind them that you have a team of highly skilled professionals working with you to make you wedding a successful and a joyous event.   

On rare occasion a parent will be very insistent about how things are done and will leave you little or no room for you to be who you are.   This is particularly prevalent when a parent (or parents) are assisting the couple by paying part  (or all)  of the wedding expenses.  

We cannot resolve this dilemma for you, however we can be an advisor to you.  We can assist you in seeing your options more clearly.   If an untenable situation arises, such as an overbearing parent, we offer two suggestions:

1)    Share with them the section below on this  page called “A Loving Note to Parents”   `

2)    Take advantage of our Wedding Advisory Services.   Use one (or both) of the one-hour session to talk about a resolution to this dilemma.   Please call us '  if we can be of service.  

  And the bottom line:  

Please remember, it is your wedding and you can handle it any way you choose.  

Please understand that this document is the copyrighted property of  Robert E. Cote´ and The Life Center.   It is a product of many hours of our labor of love.

It is shared with you 
for your personal use only.

Please honor and respect us and the time, the expertise and the effort that went into its creation by limiting its use to you personally.

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A Loving Note To Parents

Roots & Wings

"Our children are gifts entrusted to us not as objects to be controlled,  but as fellow human beings,  each unique in their own personality,  each separate in their own identity."   

Your job as a parent is to give them roots from which to grow and wings with which to fly into their own separate lives.    We invite you to hear the following words paraphrased and slightly altered from the book titled The Prophet   by Kahil Gibran:  

"As you love your children, remember this:  Make your love a joyous, freedom-loving adventure.   Let your love be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.    Sing, dance, and be joyous with your children,  and yet,  let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

You may give children your love, but not your thoughts, for they have thoughts of their own.   You may house their bodies, but not their souls, for they dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.    You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.   For life goes forward and tarries not with yesterday.  You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

Remember, if you choose to fill your children’s cup, allow them to drink from it at their own choosing.   If you choose to share with them your bread, allow, them to season it to their own taste.

Give your hearts to them while providing space for them to be free, for there is much in life to be loved.   Let your children’s hearts be free to answer the call of life.  

Stand by them, yet not too near,  for in the garden of life, the oak tree and the cypress each need air to breathe and a little earth to call their own, where the sun can reach down and touch them bringing forth the hidden beauty that lies within each one."  

Having stood by your children as they grew wings, step aside now and allow them to fly. 

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